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A Modest
Proposal
by
Jonathan Swift (an Anglo-Irish essayist, satirist, and poet; author of Gulliver’s Travels)
First
Published in 1729 as a pamphlet. It was printed in Dublin,
Ireland and later in London, England.
A MODEST
PROPOSAL FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE IN IRELAND FROM
BEING A BURDEN TO THEIR PARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO
THE PUBLIC
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this
great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and
cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four,
or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These
mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced
to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless
infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or leave
their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell
themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious
number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of
the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could
find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful
members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his
statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to
provide only for the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater
extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are
born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who demand
our charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many
years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of
other projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in the computation.
It is true, a child just dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for
a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2s,
which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful
occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to
provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their
parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives,
they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the
clothing, of many thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme,
that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of
women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us!
sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense than the
shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.
The number of souls in this kingdom being usually
reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two
hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract
thirty thousand couples who are able to maintain their own children, although I
apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present distresses of the kingdom;
but this being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand
breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those women who miscarry, or
whose children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remains
one hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born: the
question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for, which,
as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them
in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build houses (I mean in the country)
nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till
they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although
I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can
however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have been informed
by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me that he
never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of
the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl
before twelve years old is no salable commodity; and even when they come to
this age they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and
half-a-crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to
the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at least
four times that value.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts,
which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my
acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old
a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee
or a ragout.
I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration
that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty
thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which
is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that
these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much
regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four
females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in
the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the kingdom; always
advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to
render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an
entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind
quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt
will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will
weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28
pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore
very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the
parents, seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but
more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a
grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet,
there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months
after Lent than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent,
the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants
is at least three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other
collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's
child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the
farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no
gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat
child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive
meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with
him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among
his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for
work till she produces another child.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times
require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make
admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for
this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured
will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and
dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and
whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter
to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this
kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of
venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not
exceeding fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so great a number of both
sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work and service;
and these to be disposed of by their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their
nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend and so
deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the
males, my American acquaintance assured me, from frequent experience, that
their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys by
continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to fatten them would not
answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble
submission be a loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders
themselves; and besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might
be apt to censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little
bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the
strongest objection against any project, however so well intended.
But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this
expedient was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the island
Formosa, who came from thence to London above twenty years ago, and in
conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young person happened
to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as a
prime dainty; and that in his time the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was
crucified for an attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to his imperial
majesty's prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court, in
joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that
if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who
without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair,
and appear at playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never
will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern
about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I
have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the
nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that
matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting
by cold and famine, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected.
And as to the young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they
cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a
degree that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they
have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are
happily delivered from the evils to come.
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to
my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are
obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly
lessen the number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the
principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who
stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender,
hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who
have chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay tithes
against their conscience to an Episcopal curate.
Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable
of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their
landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing
unknown.
Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand
children, from two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than ten
shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty
thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the
tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in
taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely
of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the gain of eight
shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the
charge of maintaining them after the first year. Fifthly, This food would
likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so
prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and
consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly
value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who
understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as
they please.
Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage,
which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws
and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward
their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes,
provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense.
We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could
bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives
during the time of their pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal,
their cows in calf, their sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat
or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance,
the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef,
the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good
bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent
at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a
well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable
figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other public entertainment. But this and
many others I omit, being studious of brevity.
Supposing
that one thousand families in this city would be constant customers for infants
flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly
weddings and christenings: I compute that Dublin
would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses, and the rest of the
kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining
eighty thousand.
I can think of no one that will possibly be raised
against this propasal, unless it should be urged that the number of people will
be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and it was indeed
one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will
observe, that I calculated my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland,
and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon earth.
Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at
five shillings a pound: Of using neither clothes, nor household furniture,
except what is our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the
materials and instruments that promote foriegn luxury: Of curing the
expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of
introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence, and temperance: Of learning to love
our country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of
Tompinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor act any longe like
the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was
taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for
nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards
their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, into our
shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native
goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the
measure and goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair propasal
of just dealing, though often and ernestly invited to it.
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and
the like expedients, till he hath at least a glimpse of hope that there will
ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them in practice. But as to
myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle,
visionary thoughts, and at length utterly dispairing of success, I fortunately
fell upon this propasal, which as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid
and real, of no expense and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby
we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will
not bear exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a
long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country that would be
glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion
as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally
innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall
be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the
author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as
things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred
thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of
creatures in human figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put
into a common stock would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling,
adding those who are beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers,
and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire
those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to
attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals,
whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold
for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided
such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the
oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or
trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover
them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of
entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for ever.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not
the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work,
having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our
trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to
the rich. I have no children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the
youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.
(1729)
THE END
